Our Daughters Have Wings

Thankful...

Three years ago, I had a difficult time finding something to be thankful for.  We had just lost our daughters, and I was pretty down... what a difference 3 years can make.

We have SO much to be thankful for.

That we got to meet our beautiful daughters.  Some parents don't get the chance to do that with their angel babies.

That we were blessed with our beautiful sons.

That our marriage has endured enormous trials in such a short time.

That we have a wonderful support network of friends (online and in real life) and family.

 

Happy Anniversary to us!

Nick and I have been married for 4 years, today, though we've been together for almost 14.

Here's a peek into what the day was like:

 

This bench is where the girls' brick now lies.

 

Where to start? So behind on my blogging!

I'll start by saying that I can hardly believe that it's already the 22nd of October.  Having two under two certainly makes time feel like it's ticking by even FASTER than it felt before.

Updates on Christopher:

Christopher's six-month/half birthday came and went...at the end of last month.  He'll be seven months old in less than a week.  I haven't updated on what he's been up to...he's our little mover and shaker.

He's rolling ALL OVER the place!  He LOVES to go after Nicholas' toys!  He often gets himself stuck...with his feet under the chair or the entertainment center...it's cute!

He loves to sit and play...his FAVORITE thing to do is find the tag on a toy.  Doesn't matter what the toy is...so long as it has a tag, he's happy.  The irony is that he doesn't really care for the toys that are DESIGNED to mimic the tags...called "Taggies".  He doesn't care for those...just the real tags.

We moved him into his 'big boy' car seat quite a while ago.  He had his six month well-baby visit at the beginning of the month and he was 19lbs, 9oz and 28" long.  We're all caught up now, with most of his immunizations, excluding the flu vax.  We're holding off on that due to the fact that he *could* have an egg allergy, like his big brother.

Updates on Nicholas...

Speaking of his big brother, Nicholas isn't a baby anymore.  He's growing and changing SO fast.  *Insert tears here*  He sings his ABCs, and attempts to sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "Row, Row, Row Your Boat".  I can't believe how fast he learns things. 

We gave him a toy for his birthday; it's a Fisher-Price Little People truck to help him learn his alphabet.  He's already memorized 1/2-3/4 of what the letters are for (i.e., 'a' is for apple, 'b' is for ball, etc.)

Every night, while Nick is getting him ready for bed, they sing songs and nursery rhymes and say the alphabet.  So, if you ask Nicholas, "What is 't' for?" he'll answer "Towel."  That just warms my heart.

He wakes up in the morning counting, and reciting his letters.  He can count to 20, and can even count backwards.  I'm not sure WHEN he started doing it, but he does.

We can't go through a store or drive anywhere without him pointing out numbers and letters to me.  I mean, the boy is a *bit* OBSESSED!  Today, he even 'read' me a book!  Of course it was the "Counting" book, but still...isn't that something that he's supposed to do when he's 3 or older?  Not JUST turned 2!

Since he just turned 2, we did go see the peds allergist.  We had planned on him being retested, however, Dr. McMorris suggested that we hold off until age 3.  So until then, no egg, peanuts, tree nuts, or shellfish for him.  We did get the ok to try white fish, so we'll do some fish sticks and see if he likes them.

And, the first Saturday of October was the FAAN Walk for Food Allergy at Kensington Metro Park.  Next year, we'll do a better job of fundraising, though as a team, we didn't do too bad.  We raised over $400 for Food Allergy Research.  We had 'Team K' shirts that said on the back, "Food Allergies...they're no yolking matter!" but nobody got to see them because the weather was SO horrible that we were all wearing multiple layers that day (cold and windy and wet).  Thank you, Mother Nature.  THAT is why I sometimes doubt WHY I live in Michigan.

Our travels...

We went to Cincinnati two weekends ago to see our friends, Kati, Jeff, Abby, and their new baby boy, Ryan.  As usual, time went by WAY too fast.  On Saturday we went to the Cincinnati Zoo for their HallZOOween weekends and despite it being pretty chilly, we had a great time!  Nicholas got to feed a giraffe some crackers and giggled the entire time.  We dressed him as a Monkey and then Christopher was the Banana.  We got a LOT of comments on how cute they were.

Our girls...

Last Thursday, a week ago, October 15th, was National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  I lit the girls' candle in their memory...and didn't have a chance to get online and post about it.  I feel HORRIBLE that I didn't have a chance to do that.  I guess I'm busier than I thought.

Last night, before our MOSAIC meeting, we went over to their grave and put out their pumpkins and their decorations.  Hopefully the squirrels and other animals will leave them be until at least Halloween.

What I've been up to...

LAPOM has been keeping me pretty busy.  I'm the 1st Vice-President, responsible for Social Events, Fundraising, and Publicity, so...it's been a pretty busy few months.  We had our bi-annual Mom-to-Mom sale at the end of September, and then we're having a fundraiser on November 10th.  Saturday, the 24th is our Annual Halloween party. 

I have met SO many wonderful families through LAPOM and we are SO thankful to have so many great friends as a result.  We can't imagine our lives without the group!

I've also been busy with taking pictures!  I've ALWAYS loved taking pictures, for as long as I can remember.  In fact, when I was a little girl, I ruined my FAVORITE baby blanket when I draped it over a lamp to try to make my own 'darkroom'.  Anyway...nowadays, most photography is digital, and so instead of a darkroom, I use my laptop.

I've recently launched a new photography blog...since SO many people have suggested that I start a business...please, take some time and browse through and let me know what you think.  I'm still pretty new at things, and I'm constantly striving to be better, so critical comments are welcome!  My Photography Blog

We've been attending football games (we took the boys to the first game) and have sold a majority of our tickets.  We did go to Homecoming last week (thank you to my sister, Monica, for watching the boys so we could go). 

Other than that, I'm enjoying being a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) to my wonderful boys.  I am SO thankful to have Nick as a wonderful provider to allow me to spend so much time with them.  And to allow me to do the things I enjoy, such as be involved in LAPOM and have fun with photography.

I'll end with a few pictures:
   
   
 

Wrote another page in my Mommy Book...

Today was interesting. 

Started out with quite a few tantrums from my soon to be two-year old that thinks he needs to go outside in his PJs or half-dressed.I finally got him to eat some breakfast, and then we were off to go grocery shopping. 

I got one of those fun little carts with the car, so he could play while I was shopping, and it seemed to do well.  Christopher dozed on and off in the store.  It was a good trip, overall.

We get out to the car and I start to load things up.  You are probably realizing where I'm going with this...I put Christopher in, then put Nicholas in, then was loading the groceries when a store employee asked me if she could take my cart for me.  I said, "sure" and shut the back door.

And then I saw that the doors were locked.  And my key was on the front seat.  And Nicholas was eating cheese crackers. Luckily, my phone was in my pocket.

My first thought was "please don't choke while I call for help."  Then, I called Nick and asked him to call AAA.  You see, my wallet was in the car too, so I didn't have the number.  I do now - it's programmed into my phone.

He let them know that there were two kids under 2 in the car, and they were VERY fast getting to us.  Of course, it seems like forever when you're waiting there, watching your kids from outside of your van.

Needless to say, I've learned that I'll clip my keys to my belt loops and will keep my phone on me at all times, just in case.

I'm VERY proud of myself - I didn't panic.  Instead, I thought to myself - "Well, everyone does it once, right?" and then realized that this was my 'once'.

Less than 24h until we see Madonna!

The countdown has officially begun!  Tomorrow night we'll be at the Madonna concert!  I'll be sure to update on Wednesday!

Had a scare...

So, I've been having these weird 'feelings' if you will.  Not necessarily cramping.  Not necessarily contractions.  Just a feeling that something 'was not right'.  So I called the peri's office on Thursday and talked at great length with the nurse, Mary.

I explained to her what was going on.  She asked me all the questions that I knew she was going to ask (from the many times that I had spoken with her while pg with Nicholas) and she gave me some things to look for.  If any thing changed or any new things happened, I was to call back immediately.

Well, yesterday something 'new' happened that never happened while I was pg with Nicholas, nor with the girls, and it was VERY scary.  I had started spotting.

When I called, I spoke with the RN, who immediately paged the peri on call.  They wanted me to come in.  Luckily, my sister was here so we didn't have to worry about who was going to stay home with Nicholas, or take him with us so late in the evening.

We went in, they checked my cervix, my cerclage, and looked at the baby and my placenta using both TVU and TAU (types of ultra-sound).

The baby looked great and is most definitely STILL a boy!

The resident couldn't find the source of the spotting (bleeding) and said it *could* be my placenta since it's pretty low lying.  Not 'true' previa (where the placenta covers the cervix) but very close (less than 2cm from the cervix).  It *could* move up as the uterus and baby continue to grow and they're going to have to keep an eye on it, especially if I have the same thing happen again.

Luckily, we got home in time to put Nicholas to bed.  So that was a blessing, as well as things being fine.

Our 'new' van...

So, yesterday we picked up our 'new' pre-owned 2006 Chrysler Town & Country Limited.  It's SO nice, that I feel like I'm driving my parent's car again! ;o)

Our third anniversary is today and the 'traditional' gift is something made of Leather.  I joked to Nick that the van can be my gift since it has leather seats!

I can't believe how much easier it is to get Nicholas in and out, and also, the stroller and everything in and out. 

I never pictured myself as a van driver but I love it!

Here are some pictures!  Enjoy!

Yes, I'm still grieving...

I had someone ask me the other day - do you think of your girls often?  "Only Everyday," I responded.

Yes, it's true.  25 months later, I STILL think of our girls.  EVERY day.  Especially as Nicholas continues to grow, and do the things that my girls SHOULD have been doing.  Walking.  Talking.

And now, we're expecting again.  Yes, the anxiety is still there.  Yes, we have brought a child home with us.  That doesn't change the fact that I have experienced stillbirth first hand, and a pre-term delivery.

Yes, I have a cerclage.  Cerclages fail.  You often don't hear about that but they can.  It's not common, from what I understand, but a cerclage isn't a fail-safe.

I worry every day if I've overdone it by playing with Nicholas, lifting him up and down, getting up and down with him, climbing the stairs several times a day, etc.

I think this time of year is always the hardest for me.

Halloween is my favorite holiday, and fall is my favorite time of year.  I imagine what it would have been like to have two babies to take to the pumpkin patch, and to get costumes for.  And of course, when I start to think about 'what might have been', I immediately think of my precious son, and that he wouldn't have been here had we not lost the girls.

So, tread lightly, my friends, when you talk to me and show your excitement to me about all of Nicholas' accomplishments.  For they are a constant reminder of what we do not have.

Sticky & Sweet...

No, I'm not referring to Nicholas' hands after he's done eating a meal. 

It's the title of Madonna's latest tour, and I'm going to see her when she's in Detroit!

When the tickets went on sale, I mentioned to Nick that she was coming and so he said, "see if you can get tickets" and we did!

The best part is that the concert date falls on our 'anniversary' of when we started dating...13 years together as a couple!

The concert is at Ford Field, so the drive there and the drive home won't be much fun, but it WILL be fun to see her again and to see her while 6 months preggo too... should be interesting!

Here's a link to the official tour site, in case anyone is interested: Madonna - Sticky & Sweet Tour

Updates on NBK, the new pregnancy, etc...

So...I haven't updated in a few days.  We've been pretty busy.

Nicholas' B-Day was a big success of course.  So as soon as we passed his first year, it was on to worry about other things.  Specifically, our new pregnancy and my cerclage placement.

Since all was well at my NT scan last Monday, we scheduled the cerclage placement for Friday, September 19.  My sister, Monica, came down the night before and stayed the night b/c we had to be at UM at 9am.

We got there on time, and I got admitted.  Unfortunately, I inherited 'bad veins' from my grandmother, and so it took FOUR tries to get my IV in.  NOT fun.  I endured 3 blown veins before an anesthesiologist came in to do the IV.  OK, that is bad if I have to have an anesthesiologist do the IV instead of an RN/BSN.

Anyway, once they got the IV in, a different anesthesiologist came in to talk to me about the spinal.  They wheeled me back and unfortunately, I had to get poked twice (I think - it was in my back so I couldn't see!) before it started working.  Dr. VDV came in during the placement and was joking with me so that made me relax even more.

The placement went very well.  Dr. VDV said that I had 4 marks in my cervix from last time, so he 'followed the marks'.  They gave me some meds through my IV to help with cramping and then we just had to wait for the spinal to wear off.

I guess it wears off fast, for me, and before I knew it, I was feeling cramping and like I had to go pee (sorry, TMI!)  They said I had to be able to walk and go pee before I could be discharged.  Well, the first time, I couldn't go.  It literally felt like I was sitting on pillows on the toilet, b/c my bum was still numb.  Ha!

The second attempt was a success and they allowed me to be discharged.  Unfortunately, I started having even more cramping so by the time we got home, it was pretty painful.

Of course, this is where Murphy's Law kicks in.  We couldn't find our heating pads (we have 2).  Our hot water bottle broke.  My sister came to the rescue (again - thank you!) with a hot towel for me to put on my abdomen.  Nothing seemed to relieve the cramping.

It definitely was a different experience than what I had with Nicholas.  Then again, they gave me intra-venous morphine for the cramping when I had it placed when I was pg with him, so...maybe I should have had that before we left the hospital?

Anyway, Friday was rough.  I don't think I slept much.  Saturday was pretty bad as well.  Sunday was MUCH better.  As was yesterday and today.

For those of you that have called and haven't received a return call - this is why.  I'm trying to lay low which means not answering the phone if it's not within my reach.  Sorry!

My sis is still here b/c I'm not allowed to lift Nicholas until I get checked out by Dr. VDV, which is tomorrow.  Let's hope that he'll tell me that I can get back to normal and start lifting him again.