Our Daughters Have Wings

Here's Here! Introducing...

Christopher James!  Named for me, and Nick's Dad, since Nicholas was named after Nick and my Dad.

I was induced on Friday evening, after arriving at UM at 8:45pm.  We got checked in, and they started the pitocin at 10:45am.  He was born at 5:54am TODAY after only 14min of pushing!

Needless to say, Momma is TIRED from a hard, fast labor. 

He weighs 8lbs, 2oz and is 20.75" long.  So a full pound bigger than Nicholas was and .75" longer than NBK.

He was born at 39w6d, a day shy of my due date.  Nicholas was born at 38w, 2 weeks shy of my due date.

He's a great baby so far and Nicholas has NO idea that this little baby is going to come home with us!  He was more interested in the things in my room than CJK!

Here's one pic (sorry for the quality - taken with my cell phone)

Update...39w4d appt...induction changed

So...I had an appt today and I was already 4-4.5cm dilated (she said ALMOST 5cm) and the baby is at -1 station.  That's GREAT news!

I'm not sure how I'm walking around THAT dilated and nothing's happening so, if I don't go into labor on my own, I will be induced tomorrow night.  So BBK#2 will likely arrive on 03/27 or 03/28. 

We'll keep you posted!  Check back here by the 30th for some pictures!

Induction Scheduled!

So I heard back from Barb, the Nurse Practitioner at the MFM clinic and...if BBK#2 does NOT make his appearance before Sunday, then I will be induced!

This is SUCH a relief to me.  I really can't explain - like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

IF I don't go into labor before then, I will be induced on Sunday evening, March 29, which will be 40w!  So he'll be here on the 29th, or 30th, at the very latest!

Yes, I'm still pregnant. 39w2d and counting...

So I really can't believe I'm still pregnant.  I really can't.

I can't tell you HOW many times my medical providers look at me in shock that I'm still pg.  They thought I'd deliver by 38w, since I delivered Nicholas at 38w. 

Being *this* pg has been VERY difficult for me.

Not physically, though I'm NOT saying it's 'easy' to be 39w pg.  It certainly is NOT easy to be *this* pg with a toddler.

What's very difficult for me is the constant worry that something will go wrong the longer I go.  You see, having experienced a stillbirth (Angelina) makes me a bit more nervous about it than the 'average' pregnant woman.

And of course, having had Nicholas on my OWN at 38w, makes me even MORE worried that something will go wrong with BBK#2's placenta - it will start to degrade, calcify, or worse.

And, then there's the thought that Nicholas was 7lbs, 2oz and 20" long at 38w.  Just HOW big is BBK#2 going to be?  I certainly FEEL like he's bigger than Nicholas was.

Anyway...here is my disclaimer:

Yes, I'm still pg.  No, nothing is happening.  Yes, I will post an update when something DOES happen.  No, I'm *not* happy to be THIS FAR ALONG.  I'm extremely anxious, and it does NOT help my anxiety level when people tell me "you're not even to your due date yet."  Sorry, but THAT doesn't matter to *ME*.

Here are a couple of pics of me at my MOST pregnant yet.

Maternity Pics at 38 Weeks!

So...a while ago I toyed with the idea of having my friend Kristi take maternity pics of me, since we're not sure if we'll have any more children after BBK#2 arrives.  We didn't do these types of pictures with Nicholas and I thought they might be nice to have as a keepsake.

We had planned on doing it WEEKS ago but I was having SO many issues with contrx, questionging whether or not my cerclage was coming out early or as scheduled, and then Kristi went on a family trip...so I guess 'life' just got in the way.

We FINALLY had a chance to get together - today!  This morning!

I'm SO thankful that she was able to come over and do these.  I wasn't convinced that I *really* wanted to do it and looking at them now, I can't believe I thought twice about it and I'm SO grateful to have such a talented friend!

She's posted a few of her favorites on her blog (one of the blogs I frequent) and here's the address: Remember When Photography by Kristi - Photo Blog.

Here's a few of *my* favorites!

37w1d update...no baby yet!

First off...no, I haven't had the baby yet. Trust me...if you know us, we'll let you know when we have the baby.  I'll either let people know via email, or Facebook, OR you'll receive a call (maybe not from me but a call none-the-less) and of course, I'll post on here as SOON as I can!

Second, according to my appt today, I'm 'favorable for labor' so we'll see when it happens.  With Nicholas, he came 12 days after the cerclage was removed, and since it will be 2 weeks tomorrow, we've already surpassed that.

We're still anxiously (very anxiously) awaiting BBK#2's arrival!  Despite having Nicholas, I'm extremely nervous that something could go wrong in these last few weeks (normal for someone like me with an stillbirth) so please pray for us and hope BBK#2 arrives safely to our arms, kicking and screaming!

Here are a few pics:

Another visit to L&D...cerclage is OUT and dilated to 2cm!

So I started having regular contractions again, every 10min, at 9pm last night. I had a LOT of trouble falling asleep and finally got about an hour's worth of sleep before I woke up at 1am to VERY painful contrx. They started to get more painful and closer together (8min) over the course of an hour, so I called my friend, Heidi, and had her come over so we could go in.  I called L&D on the way there.

We arrived around 4am.  I got checked in, and I was contracting very regularly, but not dilated at all, from what they could tell...they couldn't get up to the top of the cervix to really check though, since my cerclage was holding things tight.

Anyway...after being monitored for about 2 hours, they decided that they would do the removal.  The resident checked me and determined that my cerclage was SO high up on my cervix and a bit embedded, and recommended that we do it in Triage/OR.

After some LENGTHY discussions with the Anesthesia team about WHY I didn't want a spinal, they decided to try removing it with just some light IV pain killers and something to make me feel 'woozy'.

It was EXTREMELY painful, despite the meds and I remember feeling SUCH a relief when it was cut.  I don't remember much after that, and was SURPRISED when I found myself in the Triage recovery area.  Nick said I looked like I was drunk!

They kept me on the monitors for 2hrs after the removal and I went from NOT dilated at all right after the removal to 2cm dilated!!!! WHAT?

Since that did NOT happen for me with Nicholas, they wanted to check me once more before we they sent us home, b/c they thought I might progress even more.

I walked around the hospital for an hour (and got to visit my friends that work there - good to see you D'Anna!) and I was still only dilated to 2cm.

I could NOT get a status update on my effacement, b/c my cervix has endured SO much trauma today that it's super swollen.

Anyway...I'm REALLY a regular patient now and I'm DEFINITELY much more comfortable with the cerclage out. It was causing a LOT of uterine irritability.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers! 

I'll update again if BBK#2 decides to make his appearance before March!

A HUGE thank you to Heidi for coming over and taking care of Nicholas.  He LOVES spending time with her!!!

35 weeks...and another pre-term labor scare...

So, on Friday afternoon, I noticed that I was having some contractions.  They were coming more frequently, and weren't my 'normal' Braxton-Hicks (practice - BH) contrx that I have.  Nick and I decided that maybe we should start monitoring them.  They were coming every 10 minutes!  That's NOT a good thing when you have a cerclage!

After monitoring them for a while, we decided to call L&D triage.  I explained what was happening and they said that b/c my cerclage hasn't been removed yet, I needed to come in and make sure i wasn't in 'real' labor and they could check on the status of my stitch.

We called our friend Heidi, and ask if she could come over.  She said that she could, so we got Nicholas ready for bed and then when she arrived, we headed to UM.

When I arrived, they said I was dehydrated; within 30min, I had finished drinking over 44oz of water.  Despite that, the contrx were STILL coming every 10min, while we were there.

They checked the status of my stitch (still holding tight, as far as they could tell) and kept me on the monitors for another hour and a half.  They finally decided that the contrx weren't affecting my cervix, so we could leave.

When they sent us home at 12:30am, I was STILL having contrx every 10min.  They slowed to about every 15min on the way home, and woke me up SEVERAL times over night.

Saturday was more of the same (and it was Nick's birthday - what a great present for him, right?)  Lots and lots of contrx.  So we had to cancel our plans for dinner and date night and instead just celebrated Nick's 36th with a family dinner at Border Cantina (Heidi came with us as a thank you to her for coming over the night before).

The contrx seem to have gotten better now...I'm supposed to call my doctor tomorrow to see if they want me to come in.

Here are two pictures of me.  Enjoy!

Something new for me...helping me to heal...

Well, my first appt with the Perinatal Mood Disorders Team (PMDT) was today.  I think it went VERY well.  First I had to fill out some survey questions that they use for tracking your progress, and then I spent over 2.5 hours with the psychiatrist. 

Honestly, I was shocked that he spent that much time with me.  And thrilled, at the same time!  The first impression I had of psychiatrists was NOT a good one, considering I saw one after I had Nicholas, and in 15min she diagnosed me with PPD (Post-Partum Depression).

This time...he took time to let me tell him why I thought I needed to see the team in the first place, then we spent the next hour or so, going over things in chronological order - before and after I lost my girls.  He asked me both very SPECIFIC and very GENERAL questions.

After we talked, he then called in a senior member of the team and gave him a recap; then, the 2nd doctor asked me a few more questions.

My 'official' diagnosis?  Contrary to what people might think...I'm NOT clinically depressed.  I do NOT have post-partum depression.  I don't have Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  And I don't have a personality disorder (thank goodness - that's a more SERIOUS diagnosis).

I have PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Brought on by the loss of our girls.  So I have an 'official' diagnosis from a Psychiatrist.  My counselor/therapist already said that he thought I 'presented' with more PTSD issues than anything else.

The Psychiatrist will be talking to the team to see if some of their therapists that are specialized in PTSD will be able to take me on as a patient.  There's some specialized therapy that works well for PTSD - more so than 'generalized' therapy.

I'm VERY thankful that we have this resource available through UM, though I *do* wish that I had a) known about it earlier on in my pregnancy and b) that it would have been available to me when I was pg with Nicholas (it wasn't around yet)

I go back to see the Psychiatrist in two weeks - coincidentally, the day AFTER my cerclage removal, so we'll see if I'm still pg then!

34 weeks pg...the countdown is on!

So, today was Grams' 98th birthday party (more on that in a separate post) so since I had actually gotten dressed in a nicer outfit and had put makeup on, we decided to take my 34w picture a day early. 

I can't believe how much different I look from when I was pg with Nicholas.  I'm carrying this little guy much lower and he's further out!

And there was a LOT of change from just two weeks ago!  Here are two pics.  I'll post more on Grams' party and pics from that tomorrow!